800 days of love

hello again blog. sorry for abandoning you. hee! i thought of not continuing writing here and just focus on maintaining my other blog (which is not going so well too). most of my titles in this blog are somehow with numbers in it, that is why i just feel the urge to write here. today i have been married for 800 days. haha! i have no idea why the ticker does not change automatically to years and weeks but, yeah, 800 days.

in 800 days, we have seen the best and the worst of each other (so far). i think i am way more patient especially with kids (gila tak nak sabar dengan anak sendiri kan). that is major for me. last weekend, a cousin of mine, iqa, asked me 'how do you manage to keep her alive?' she said something else but that was how i heard, hee. her facts are - 1. i don't have any younger siblings, 2. mummy is not around anymore to help me, 3. we don't have young cousins to practice on when we were growing up and 4. i do not like kids. my answer was, i have him (pointing towards the husby, my bambi). i can't imagine doing this with anyone else. for the record, i do like kids now, i want more of them. about him? i can see that he is more patient with the wife. haha. that is major for him (in my opinion). less fighting on petty things, less pulling faces and no more taking the pillow elsewhere to sulk. yeay!

one of my favourite shots 800 days ago - credit to uncle ram

86 days later

oh yes. it has been that long since my last post and had a baby. well, things are (errr...) different. don't get me wrong, it is different in a good, great way. i am doing well. baby's doing better than me (dia ambil semua nutrient dari mummy dia), hee! 75 days in total i was on leave. starting work again is not an easy thing to do, it's tough. first, the thought of leaving Zahraa with a stranger then come the malas part. whatever it is, dah masuk kerja dah anyway.

i really did gave birth on the date of my last post. the pain was in fact the starting point of a very long delivery process. my gosh! contractions are not fun in any way. it was a bit excited in the beginning but, after a while, you want it to end as soon as possible. my contractions started at 5 am but it was really mild. started to take note of the timing and yeah, the gap was starting to get closer. i was quiet as a mouse and didn't wake the husband at all (takut okay!). i acted normal when he woke up and only told him when he is all dressed up. hee! my guess was correct, he somehow panicked then, off we go to the hospital.

anyway, my contractions started from 5 am and lasted until 10 pm. that is 17 hours in total! during that 17 hours, especially the last 5 hours was unbearable. i cried, shouted, got mad for no apparent reason and just felt weak. at 9.30 pm, i opted for epidural. when the procedure was done by 10 pm, air ketumban broke and it was green so, i was prep for an emergency surgery pula. only Allah knows how i felt at that moment, i think i died inside for a while. since i can still feel my legs and all, i opted for general anesthetic (GA) - which is the last choice for most people. in the end, i felt it all expect the baby coming out from way down there. the husband was very supportive all the way in every way - force fed me food, offered me chocolates, countless hugs, back rubs, toilet trips, tahan bila kena marah tak tentu pasal etc) - thank you Allah.

would i go through all this again? yes! (but, lets take it slow, 2 years maybe? not too soon ya darling). i don't think he wants to be in that situation again (the tantrum part and the fasting part) so soon. haha. oh, to sum it up about the pain - it has been taken to a whole new level but it was worth it. every single moment of it.

the day Zahraa was born and the first few days

week 40

so, i made it to week 40 on 27th May 2013 (the due date!). alhamdulillah. for the unforgettable 40 weeks peanut. hee! had a lunch date yesterday with the husband. celebrating week 40 and me being so strong carrying his child (okay, ini macam drama sikit).

writing this early in the morning as i was up from 5 am. the process is starting i guess. the pain is there and counting my contractions now. trying to do so many things to distract myself, including this. appointment with the Dr is at 8 am. i shall prevail. pray for me.

maybe tonight?

waiting is the most hardest part. i don't really stand pain very well and waiting for it is crucial. the nurse where insyaAllah i'll be giving birth at told me to be prepared mentally. most soon-to-be parents can't wait to push the baby out but for me, please let the baby stay as long as it can in the womb. the pain will come eventually, i know. do pray for me. penakut nie! those who know me best sure know how i am with pain. migrane pun dah nangis, inikan pula sakit beranak. oh! please pray for me. kalau salah dan silap tolong maafkan. halalkan makan, minum, kata-kata, terambil barang ke, semua-semua. semoga semua dipermudahkan. 

cravings

these are some of my cravings throughout the 39 weeks, not all of them but some (the more crucial ones). there are 4 more that needs to be checked off. sempat ke sebelum beranak? haha! we shall try this few days as due is on MONDAY! counting down actually began yesterday when contractions started, just mild ones as appeared on the CTG scan. oh! one more thing, since mengandung ni, suka betul makan ikan keli goreng and paru goreng sambal. dulu tengok dari jauh je, tak lalu pun nak makan. sekarang bukan main lagi tapi kena jaga-jaga lah tak terlebih makan. huu!

photo source: google

1 - ubi kayu and sambal ikan bilis, 2 - sambal ikan bilis, tempe and kacang (thank you aunty emma for making batches of this - my necessity for the first 3 months), 3 - laksa johor and other raya food (hee!), 4 - nasi kandar, 5 - laksam, 6 - nasi kerabu (the best is in Molek), 7 - nasi briyani kambing, 8 - chicken poh teh (ayah cooked this according to grandma's recipe - yumm!), 9 - roasted hainan chicken rice from the shop in jalan klang lama, 10 - IKEA meatballs, 11 - yam basket, 12 - pengat pisang (i want mum's, huu!), 13 - macadamia nut famous amos cookies, 14 - nachos, 15 - A&W waffle with ice cream, 16 - raspberry cheesecake from secret recipe, 17- spicy chicken mcdeluxe, 18 - horlicks crunch mcflurry, 19 - molten chocolate cake, 20 - fish and chips from fish & co.

day 333 / 0.5 of week 39

random triple number - that is the number of days we are married. i am currently half way through of week 39. alhamdulillah. trying to keep the baby in up till June. baby's nursery is finally completed about one week back. colours to be revealed later! 

i went to see mum just now. there are so many things that i wish i could talk to her about. if only i could. the flowers remind me of mum when she was around. she just love striking colours especially red and purple. i miss her, a lot. al-fatihah.

baby's stuff

next week marks week 39 of my pregnancy. barang-barang kena lah dah siap. tunggu masa je ni. so, here are some of the stuff yang di beli dan di beri.

1 - the first few stuff bought at our first baby expo, 2 & 3 -  shopping spree in mid valley and second baby expo, 4 - third baby expo in shah alam stadium, 5 - gift from aunty jumi (thank you jumi!), 6 - stuff from mothercare, 7- bumper set & quilt cover pillowcase from IKEA, 8 - stuff from babyland SS2, 9 & 10 - shopping spree with aunty syima (thank you syima for all that!), 11- fourth baby expo with tok ma and tok kilah and tok ma bought all that for peanut (thank you aunty emma!)

ada lagi - more stuff from mothercare (baby's clothes, nursing bras etc.), baby cot and fitted sheets from IKEA, car seat (syima pinjamkan), baby bag (from aunty emma), bedding set and fitted sheets (from aunty emma). hee!

perasan tak takda teddy bear dalam all the photos? bukan tak nak ke apa cuma, dah ada dah. kalau boleh tak nak lah banyak-banyak. tak tau nak letak mana. takat ni ada dua yang betul-betul favourite. it was mine when i was small - goofy and my teddy!

mother's day

yesterday was mother's day. i am not technically a mother yet but still consider myself as one. haha. perasan! tak kisah lah, asalkan makan sedap! it was a last minute plan but we made it. lucky for us, there was an open spot during the time we arrived as the restaurant was fully booked. i was so hungry at that moment that i forgot to take photos of the food. boo!

look at my huge tummy! oh.. there's one photo - the dessert :)

hohoho.. its week 36

week 36 starts with a surprise, a good and scary one at that. while i was driving to work this morning, a sudden shot of pain struck me, the whole tummy. i panicked for a bit and cried as it was so painful. i had to push on the breaks a lot, nearly hit a car while doing that. the pain comes and goes with 5, 6 minutes interval. in my heart, i was like, 'this can't be happening, i am not giving birth today, no i am not'. managed to reach the office and the pain does not stop. then, mr. google  came to the rescue. i searched for contraction signs and found 2 useful links: (1) Braxton Hicks or True Labor? and (2) Pregnancy and Signs of Labor. it was a false alarm! phewww. dah lah barang-barang peanut baru nak start cuci pagi ni. 

from week 32 up to now, i still drive to work and drive to some of my check ups. i still do house chores and still care for the cats. after this morning, maybe it is time for me to slow down? can you imagine if it was true labor just now? with a panicked state of mind, i don't think i can ever reach the hospital and it is not because i can't stand the pain, it is because i might forget the way!

(lama tak letak gambar sendiri)

anxious

as the day gets nearer, i am getting more and more anxious. i am not sure how to handle it. Takut sangat. Orang patut happy lah kan, nak dapat anak - ini takut pulak. maybe i feel i don't have enough support or maybe i just feel like i am not ready. oh! otak, jangan lah fikir sangat. at this stage, a pregnant lady sure needs a lot of encouragement instead of being stuck in the middle of things. terasa banyak sangat tak habis buat lagi. dapat pula laki yang kerja shift tak menentu dan agak berat nak buat benda time cuti. huu! i feel like hiring someone to clean the whole house and rearrange things the way i want it to be. boleh?